That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity.

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.

Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… I stand by my racial slur.

He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Homer no function beer well without. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! You don’t win friends with salad. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.